7 Common Mistakes to Avoid During a California Divorce
Divorce in California can be complicated, with key decisions affecting your finances, children, and future. Many people repeat the same avoidable mistakes, often because they lack clear information about state laws and procedures.
This article identifies the seven most frequent divorce mistakes in California. We explain how each mistake happens, its impact, and practical steps to avoid them.
Because California law covers issues like community property, child custody, and support, understanding these rules is critical, especially if you're looking for a low-cost divorce option. Avoiding common errors can save you time, money, and unnecessary stress.​
Most Common Divorce Mistakes
Divorce can involve complex legal, financial, and emotional decisions. In California, the legal landscape brings its own set of rules, such as community property laws and the state's focus on the best interests of the child, that can significantly shape the outcome of your case. Unfortunately, many people go into divorce unprepared and make decisions that negatively affect them for years to come.
Below, we’ve outlined the most common mistakes people make during a divorce in California.
Legal and Custody-Related Mistakes
Some of the costliest divorce errors happen when people misunderstand the legal process or make assumptions about their rights. Issues around property division and child custody are often more complex than they appear, especially under California law.
1. Not Hiring the Right Divorce Attorney
Choosing the right attorney can be the difference between a smooth legal process and one filled with delays, confusion, and poor outcomes. One of the biggest divorce mistakes is thinking that all lawyers are the same or that you don’t need one at all.
California’s divorce laws are unique, and having an attorney who focuses specifically on family law in this state ensures you receive accurate advice tailored to your situation. A general practice lawyer may miss critical family law issues, while self-representation often leads to costly oversights.
2. Failing to Understand California’s Community Property Rules
California is a community property state, meaning the law treats most assets and debts acquired during the marriage as joint property, regardless of whose name is on the account or title. A common mistake is assuming that because one spouse earned the income or bought the asset, they automatically get to keep it.
Without understanding how state law divides property, you might give up more than necessary or fight for something the court is unlikely to award solely to you. Working with a legal professional who understands how community property is applied ensures a fair and lawful division.
3. Ignoring or Mishandling Child Custody and Support
Many parents go into divorce assuming that custody arrangements will be simple or that informal agreements are enough. However, failing to establish a clear, court-approved custody and support plan can lead to conflict, confusion, and even legal challenges later.
In California, custody decisions are guided by what serves the child's best interests, with the court evaluating factors such as the child’s safety, consistency in their environment, and each parent’s level of involvement.
If you're not prepared or don't understand how the court makes these decisions, you could end up with less time with your children or financial obligations you didn’t expect. Having a structured, enforceable agreement in place protects both your rights and your child’s well-being.
Financial Mistakes During Divorce
Decisions made during this time can affect your financial stability. Unfortunately, many people make avoidable financial mistakes because they’re focused only on short-term outcomes or on protecting assets without understanding the legal risks. Here are two key mistakes to watch for.
4. Overlooking Long-Term Financial Planning
One of the most common financial mistakes during divorce is focusing only on the immediate settlement, like who keeps the house or car, without considering the long-term impact. What may seem like a fair or appealing trade-off now could become a burden later, especially if it involves significant expenses or tax consequences.
For example, keeping the family home might feel like a win, but it could come with high costs for upkeep, taxes, and refinancing. Likewise, failing to properly value retirement accounts or understand how spousal support will affect future income can leave one spouse financially unprepared.
5. Hiding Assets or Lying About Finances
In an effort to protect their interests, some spouses attempt to hide money, underreport income, or move assets around before or during divorce proceedings. This strategy may seem like a way to avoid loss, but it often backfires and can lead to serious legal consequences.
California law requires full and honest disclosure of all assets, debts, income, and expenses. If a court discovers that a spouse has concealed financial information, they can face penalties, including fines or a larger portion of the assets awarded to the other party. Transparency is not only required by law, but it’s also key to reaching a fair and enforceable settlement. Attempting to game the system almost always ends up being more costly in the long run.​
Emotional Mistakes Men (and Women) Make
Divorce is often one of the most emotionally charged experiences a person will face. While strong feelings are normal, allowing them to guide your decisions can lead to outcomes you later regret. These emotional mistakes aren’t limited to one; both men and women fall into similar patterns when fear, anger, or assumptions take over. Below are two common examples to be aware of.
6. Letting Emotions Drive Your Decisions
Divorce can stir up resentment, guilt, sadness, and frustration, all of which can cloud judgment. One of the most common emotional mistakes is making choices based on how you feel in the moment, rather than what’s best for your future. Emotional decision-making can show up as refusing to negotiate out of anger, agreeing to an unfair settlement out of guilt, or dragging out the process just to make things harder for the other person.
While emotions are valid, they shouldn’t dictate legal or financial decisions. Instead, treat divorce like a business decision. Rely on your attorney for objective guidance, and make sure every move you make supports your long-term goals, not short-term emotional satisfaction.
7. Believing Gender Bias Will Decide Custody
Many men enter the divorce process believing the system unfairly favors the other parent in custody matters. On the other hand, some women may assume the court will award them primary custody simply because they’ve traditionally taken on more parenting duties. Both assumptions can lead to poor preparation or unrealistic expectations.
The court considers factors such as parental involvement, the child’s needs, and each parent’s ability to provide a stable environment. Believing that gender alone determines custody outcomes can cause one party to give up too soon or approach the case with unnecessary conflict. A better approach is to build a strong, evidence-based case that demonstrates your commitment to your child’s well-being.
How to Avoid These Mistakes Under California Divorce Laws
Avoiding common divorce mistakes starts with preparation, awareness, and having the proper legal guidance. While every divorce is different, California’s laws create a framework that, when understood, can help you make smarter decisions and reduce long-term risk. Whether you're just starting the process or already involved in a case, here are a few key ways to stay on the right track:
Work with an experienced California family law attorney.
Choosing a family law attorney who understands the local courts, judges, and legal procedures can guide you through each step, protect your rights, and help you avoid costly missteps.
Stay informed about your rights and responsibilities.
Understanding how community property, child support, and custody laws work in California is essential. Don’t rely on assumptions or outdated advice.
Keep financial records organized and transparent.
Gather and disclose all relevant documents early in the process: bank statements, tax returns, debts, and assets.
Make decisions based on logic, not emotion.
Take a step back when emotions are high. Avoid making agreements out of spite or guilt, and lean on professional advice to evaluate options objectively.
Be proactive about your long-term financial future.
Consider working with a financial advisor in addition to your attorney to understand the full impact of property division, support payments, and taxes.
Stay current on legal developments.
Laws change, and what applied in past cases may no longer apply. Recent changes in California divorce rules may affect how the court values property, determines spousal support, or handles parenting plans.
By taking a strategic, informed approach, you can better prepare yourself to avoid the common pitfalls many people face during divorce and increase your chances of securing a stable foundation for your next chapter.
Frequently Asked Questions About California Divorce
What is the 10 10 10 rule for divorce?
The "10/10/10 rule" typically refers to military divorce benefits. If a couple has been married for at least 10 years while one spouse has served at least 10 years of creditable military service, the non-military spouse may be eligible to receive direct retirement payments from the Defense Finance and Accounting Service (DFAS). This rule does not apply to civilian divorces in general, but is vital for military families divorcing in California.
What are the three C’s of divorce?
The "three C’s of divorce" often refer to Communication, Compromise, and Cooperation. These principles help couples navigate the process with less conflict. While not legal terms, these concepts are essential in mediation and co-parenting, especially when children are involved.
What is the #1 reason marriages fail?
While there isn’t a single cause for every divorce, one of the most commonly cited reasons is poor communication. Other leading factors include infidelity, financial stress, and incompatibility. In California, most people list 'irreconcilable differences' as the legal reason for divorce.
Who loses more financially in a divorce?
Financial impact varies case by case, but studies show that women often experience a greater drop in household income after divorce, especially if they’ve taken time off work to care for children. However, men may also face significant financial obligations, such as spousal or child support. The key factor is how the parties divide the assets and whether they plan appropriately for life after divorce.
Speak With Our Experienced Divorce Lawyers in California Today
At Harris & McKeown Law Firm, we help clients throughout Southern California make informed, confident decisions about divorce, custody, support, and more. Whether you're concerned about protecting your assets, securing parenting time, or avoiding common legal mistakes, our team is here to guide you every step of the way.





